Challenging toddler behaviour when a new sibling arrives is REALLY common, usually the first few weeks are fantastic. It’s all love and cuddles and cooing…. and then the wheels fall off around the 2 month mark. As the gloss fades, a cuddle looks like a cuddle until it’s full throttle body slam and smother!

You might also notice behavioural changes in older siblings like:

• Sleep disturbances
• Toileting regression
• Seeking help for previously acquired skills like dressing and feeding
• Anger and aggressive behaviour (kicking, hitting, biting - often towards the baby)

And it’s not just you!!

Research has confirmed what many parents witness when a NEW sibling arrives is that challenging behaviour and problems with emotional regulation almost double and peak around the 8 weeks.

Beyond preparing our toddlers for what is coming, there’s a lot we can do to help minimise this behavioural deterioration in those first 8 weeks after welcoming a new baby.

TOP TIPS TO PREVENT SIBLING JEALOUSY

Avoid jealousy, boredom and build confidence by giving your toddler a starring role in assisting you in the care of their new baby sibling.

TIP 1: Give them their own NAPPY BOX

• This is a simple box with nappies, wipes, nappy cream and maybe a spare outfit (it's a lovely activity to decorate together)
• If you're changing a nappy away from the change table, get your toddler to bring their "nappy box" to you to help out.
• This will give your toddler a great sense of purpose but can also be incredibly handy when you just need some nappies/wipes on the go!

TIP 2: Allow them to pick daily outfits

• Have a drawer with appropriate onesies /outfits ready too (I’m a massive fan of zips and in-built mittens and booties for newborns)
• Each evening let the older sibling select what they’ll wear after the bath

TIP 3: Celebrate their involvement with others

• When visitors admire the newborn, ensure to mention aloud that the older sibling helped apply the nappy or chose their outfit.
• A visitor’s compliment directed to the newborn will then be felt by the sibling.

TIP 4: Give older siblings age appropriate tasks

• This will give them purpose and feel proud that they are helping you.
• The key is these tasks need to be appropriate for their skill set and not arduous chores that they’ll associate negatively with the baby - perhaps tasks like entertaining the baby while you do the nappy changes, “reading” to the baby, or being your “gopher” whilst feeding.
• Give them a duster or a rag and a spray bottle with water, or if old enough let them sort the laundry into piles for each family member or help unload the dishwasher.

TIP 5: Create a shared vernacular around caring for the baby and reading their cues

• Involve your toddler in trying to decipher what the baby may need
• Do they have a stinky nappy, are they tired, hungry, gassy (yes I’m so obsessed with it I also want to teach toddlers about wind signs and burping!!), overtired, too hot, are the lights too bright?
• You’ll be amazed at how perceptive your toddler is about what the baby may need
• My two children’s books Our Baby, Our Baby, What Did You Say? and Our Baby, Our Baby, What Do You Need? are lift the flap board books designed to this and help the whole family discover the most common causes of unsettled behaviour (together), creating a shared understanding between and language between parents and children