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I was unprepared for two things when my baby arrived. One, the overwhelming love I felt for my son. Two, the state of my body, and, to be honest, my mind. I had a loose childbirth plan. I’d spoken to enough mums to know they’re essentially science fiction, but if things got wild, I wanted badly to be kept awake for the birth. Surely, that was a safe ask, right? Technically, it was, because I didn’t get knocked out until a few seconds after they pulled my baby Earth-side. Emergency Caesarean (with a lot of complications). It happens.
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The intense birth had left me pretty beat up. I’d lost a lot of blood. My abdomen had been cut through in a hurry. I’d had a lot of different drugs. My uterus was pulsing as it started retracting and bleeding. My boobs were deflated, waiting for my body to be strong enough to start producing milk. And laying in my hospital bed, I couldn’t sit up or stand, and not just because of the number of machines and tubes that were plugged into me.
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It’s hard to focus and be present in those first few days in the hospital. Some things are crystal clear: my husband helping me to have that first shower. My mum’s face when I told her the name of her first grandchild. Being terrified to do a poo. My first pangs of worry for my little human. Watching the sunrise and experiencing what it is to be bone tired. The rest feels blurry, and I think much of that, was because I was in shock. I wanted to be in my blissful baby bubble, and I was, he was healthy and I was so in love, but I was knocked by what I looked and felt like. One in five women experience postnatal anxiety or depression. But that feeling isn’t exclusive, you can feel the highest highs and lowest lows at the same time.
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Once at home, things got easier and harder. At night I’d lay on my side holding my belly, worrying that my stitches would come undone and my insides would fall out. I couldn’t bend down, so was constantly asking my partner to pick things up. Breastfeeding was a learning curve. I was changing nappies, his and mine. Dealing with a limited range of movement. Trying to keep track of feeding, sleep and medication schedules, and how many layers would keep him at the perfect temperature. I didn’t want my partner to leave my side, so no one was sleeping. I finally called my mum and asked her to fly back and come help us. She’d take care of us while we learnt to take care of the baby.
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It sounds intense, because it was. But when I went to my first mother’s group a month or so later, I realised my experience with childbirth was no more intense than anyone else’s. Recovery from childbirth is not straightforward, even in ideal circumstances. There’s a whole spectrum of things that can happen. The weeks after birth, yes, you need to learn how to be a parent, but you also need to focus on your recovery. It needs to be prioritised. It’s not a matter of needing some “me time”, it’s your body stitching itself back together, transitioning from carrying a baby to providing food for it, and your brain adjusting to this new life and all the decisions you need to make in it. It’s not the cute cuddly side of having babies, it’s raw and real and, yeah, a bit scary, which is probably why it’s often omitted from the conversation. But being aware of it and prepared for it before it happens, while you’re in a more functional state, really helps. So, I'm talking about it. Here is a run down of some of the most common postnatal occurrences that you should know about.
