There was a shift change and the next midwife strutted in calling herself ‘The Twin Expert’ and it was the exact main character energy I needed in that moment. Once she arrived it was all on. She put me on the peanut ball and things started happening. She said we were going to start pushing at 2:30pm. More and more people filed into the room. I don't know how many there actually were but it felt like 250. Luckily, I like being the centre of attention. I didn't know what I was having and was desperate to find out. I kept saying to myself, “the harder you push the quicker you find out”. Banjo came out at 2:50pm. A boy! I was thrilled. I held him on my chest for around five minutes and then they gave him to Liam and told me I was good to push again. I remember thinking; “OMG. I’ve just had a baby and I’m literally only half way”. I started pushing and Pearl came out at 3:10pm. They passed her to me and I thought to myself; “a boy and a girl, I am the luckiest person on earth.”

"There was a shift change and the next midwife strutted in calling herself ‘The Twin Expert’ and it was the exact main character energy I needed in that moment. Once she arrived it was all on."

On her postpartum experience

Wow. Postpartum. Shudders My postpartum experience was not a fun time. It’s true, nothing can prepare you. I was so angry. Why had no one told me it was this hard? I was overwhelmed. I had these two beautiful babies yet I had never felt so alone and out of my depth in my life. Not to mention my body felt like I had just been in a car crash. Between all the pumping, the severe sleep deprivation, and the anxiety, I felt completely depleted like I had nothing left to give. A few times at 3:00am I would google: when does having twins get easier? I’m not sure what I was expecting to read but at least I can laugh about it now!

"Wow. Postpartum. *Shudders* My postpartum experience was not a fun time. It’s true, nothing can prepare you. I was so angry. Why had no one told me it was this hard? I was overwhelmed."

My partner, Liam, and my mum have been incredible. One of my close friends had a baby at the same time so we do a vibe check text everyday. It’s invaluable to have someone to talk to who understands what you’re going through. She knew I was struggling so dropped me off the book, The Motherhood I read chapters while pumping and it helped me so much. It made me feel as though all my emotions were totally valid and that all mums are in it together.

Mentally, the way I cope is by going for a walk every single morning. I also need a coffee. Exercise has been important to me since I was young so not being able to get to the gym or pilates is hard. After my six week checkup I started doing the Hustl. home workouts online. They are perfect because they are quick and the instructors are funny so it's enjoyable.

Some days I just felt absolutely physically exhausted and also very close to death. But you just have to go on because you don't have an option and I’m a mum now and we are superhuman. I started taking Foraged For You - The Mothers Blend in the early days which is designed for pregnancy and breastfeeding. I did feel a difference when taking it, it gave me more energy and just felt better all round.

"Some days I just felt absolutely physically exhausted and also very close to death. But you just have to go on because you don't have an option and I’m a mum now and we are superhuman."

Photography credit: Mrs Kevin's Photos

At around five months postpartum I turned a huge corner. Now I feel way more confident taking them both out by myself so I am getting out of the house a lot more and that groundhog day feeling has surpassed. In the first few months I was too scared to go anywhere alone because what if they both cried at once and both needed feeding? I couldn't tandem breastfeed on the go which made me feel trapped. I also couldn’t hold both of them at the same time so I was reliant on others if I wanted to go out. All my independence was gone.

On the early parenting days

Holy shit. The severe sleep deprivation. There's no rest with twins, it's all hands on deck at all times. My partner was incredible, he got up for every single feed overnight every two-three hours and we took a baby each. The first month I was pumping and we were bottle feeding. By the time we had fed the babies, then I sat up pumping after every feed, sometimes I wasn't even getting back to sleep before the next feed. Torture. There were some nights where I hadn't slept at all and I would see the sun rising and I felt relieved that another night was over. Even when I started breastfeeding overnight, Liam would still get up for every feed and help me position them on to tandem feed. He was exhausted but never complained.

"Holy shit. The severe sleep deprivation. There's no rest with twins, it's all hands on deck at all times."

Those early days I was deliriously in love. I was unbelievably tired and had nothing left to give but I would look at them and think: I am absolutely obsessed with you. It’s incredible. Nothing else matters. When they chat and laugh at each other it’s the best feeling in the whole world!

When I was pregnant I would desperately ask any twin parents for advice. My trainer in Sydney has two sets of twins so he would definitely be classified as expert-level twin dad. He told me that the number one thing was to keep them on the same schedule otherwise you will never sleep or rest at all. Everyday I am frantically trying to keep their naps and feeds in sync to get a scrap of downtime. If their naps go rogue then I put them in the pram and walk for their last nap so they are back in sync for bedtime. (IYK,YK!) The only other advice I have is so cliche but accept help, you need help. A lot of help.

On feeling defeated

The most defeated I felt was trying to get Banjo to breastfeed. The twins were too small to breastfeed initially so I was pumping every three hours around the clock. I was absolutely determined to breastfeed. I had an angel lactation consultant, Ellie White, who was not only good at her job but also very kind and compassionate. Pearl started to latch at around four weeks and so I started breastfeeding her. But I could not get Banjo to latch. He wouldn't even try. He would scream and push my boob away! I had huge Mum guilt that I was breastfeeding one twin and not the other. I had worked hard to get Pearl to feed so I didn't want to give that up (she also started to refuse the bottle) and I felt I had no choice but to get Banjo on. It made me feel defeated that I couldn't get my baby to breastfeed. I was trying for weeks and getting upset when it wasn’t working. I had huge anxiety about it. Every morning I would try and it wouldn't work; he was crying, I was crying, it was a mess. My anxiety surrounding it was taking over me enjoying my beautiful babies! I kept persisting and one day he just did it and we have only just weaned at 6 months.

"It made me feel defeated that I couldn't get my baby to breastfeed. I was trying for weeks and getting upset when it wasn’t working. I had huge anxiety about it. Every morning I would try and it wouldn't work; he was crying, I was crying, it was a mess."

On being a twin mum now

The change in identity has been huge for me. Talk about a total life change. Pre-kids I was living my best life. I was a freelancer — working for myself in my dream job —I hadn’t had a boss in years and now I ask permission to have a shower. My identity was my job. I was going to a hundred different exercise classes and long lunches leading into the night and none of that is possible with twin babies. I’m still working out my new identity. But I do know that I was born to be a twin Mum. I love it. The rest of it I’m not sure yet but I’ll let you know!

"I’m still working out my new identity. But I do know that I was born to be a twin Mum. I love it. The rest of it I’m not sure yet but I’ll let you know!"