For the first two years of my business I worked until 2am or 3am every single night of the week. There is a photo of me at one of my close friend’s weddings and I don’t actually recognise the person in the picture — I was a zombie, all caved in eyes and dark circles. I wasn’t functioning properly. It wasn’t ok.
When my second child (Audrey) was 2 weeks old, I stepped onto set and started filming things straight away. I could still feel the blood gushing from between my legs. I felt like I needed to prove something, to be impressive. But it was horrendous. I was up 10 times a night breastfeeding — I even emailed a client from the hospital an hour after giving birth. I hate myself for it now. But that time allowed me to build something remarkable and now I am starting to step back and let the team run the show. It’s an astounding feeling — interviewing someone who wants to work for the little business you started on your living room floor. I could seriously cry thinking about it. We now have 27 staff and a long list of clients that I love, many whom I personally adore as people which is an incredible thing to be able to say about your working relationships.
The reality of being a working mum with a blooming business is that there are never enough hours in the day. I don’t know if my brain actually ever rests and I never, ever answer emails within an appropriate timeframe, but I’m getting more and more ok with this. The challenges are also endless: COVID rocked us to the core. I thought we were going to end. But then we opened / closed / opened / closed and I quickly realised that it’s a scary time but survival is essential. We’ve adapted, we’ve had fun, we’ve cried a lot. And we’re ok. I think in the past 6 months I’ve finally learnt to push the “mum guilt” to the side. My kids are so happy, healthy and cool. They’re inspiring to be around and they are intrinsically part of what we do. I want them to see our business from the inside out. I want them to witness mummy having a stress cry and the arguments that happen between my husband (who is also my business partner) and I. I want them to celebrate with us when we have a big win. I want them to dance at the beginning of the Christmas Party (and then promptly go to bed at 8pm). There are so many joyous moments. Our team is family. I’m watching beautiful friendships between humans evolve in front of my eyes and it’s gorgeous. Sometimes when childcare has fallen through or something has rocked the boat, I’ll be running Peppa Pig on repeat in order to finish a shoot and I’ll look over and one of my staff is delicately tying Audrey’s hair into a ponytail or bandaging Arthur’s foot after he’s had a fall. It takes a village, ours just looks completely different to what I ever imagined.
The day to day is difficult. Our son starts school this year and I’m struggling to wrap my head around a 3:20pm pick up time. It’s all a bit too much a lot of the time but shit falls apart, you get your period, you shout a lot, a shoot goes badly or a client hates all over you, then a weekend with sunshine hits at the impossibly perfect moment, you pick yourself up, drink a bottle of wine, squeeze in a hot yoga session and get back on track.
I look back at pre-child Chelsea and I laugh. How much time she wasted! What a brat! Eat more pizzas at 2am, girl! Watch another film — sit beneath the stars and drink more champagne in Paris. But then I also look at mum-Chelsea now and I understand her so intrinsically. It’s sickening how fulfilling my current work and life is. Kids, bandages, tears and all.
To make it work, it’s crucial to ask for help. Ask for help! I always wanted to be the woman that “can do it all”. The truth is, you fucking can’t. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect — to have fresh flowers in the house and a fully stocked fridge and be a great boss and still find time to preen, get my hair done and buy a birthday present for Angus at kinder who I always get confused with Jax. And you just can’t be perfect. Scream it with me now! “We can’t be perfect parents! We can’t be perfect parents!" My mum is the biggest help and a remarkable woman. She’s watched me stress and grow and writhe around this storm of motherhood and business and she’s always had the best advice for me. It’s a ride. She always says to me: “One day you’ll wake up and your kids will be gone and the house will be quiet.” I think about that a lot when I’m tripping over Beyblades or cleaning a human shit off the floor.
If you asked me if life with kids is what I expected, I’d say, “Hell no”. But then, “Hell yes”. I think I expected it to be a lot cuter and cleaner. I bought a huge white couch which is actually the biggest mistake of my adult life. Turns out a white couch is not good with kids. My husband and I have always been very proactive in bringing our kids into our world, not changing our world to accommodate them. They can sit at a restaurant and eat a meal with us and have a vivid and entertaining conversation about their day (they are 2 and 5). It’s something I totally live for and enjoy with every fibre of my being. I can honestly say though, my husband (Stu) is the reason it all works. He’s my voice of reason when I’m losing the plot and crying and screaming and wanting to move to Spain and throw it all in. Sometimes I just can’t deal with how good he is as a dad. I’m pretty jealous. I’m the screechy, unreasonable parent and he is the one listening intently to every word they say and quietly helping do an Elsa jigsaw puzzle with our 2-year-old right when we need to step out the door to something we are already late for. He says he is the punchline of our marriage but he is also the charming and totally beautiful man who scrapes the homemade slime from our ceiling, sets the mousetraps, enroles our kids in school and childcare, and has learnt how to adequately mop up a toddler poo while simultaneously cooking dinner. I don’t tell him enough how great he is.
Motherhood boosted me towards the direction I needed to be, both in a work sense, a physical sense and an emotional sense. I’ve never felt more “Chelsea” than I do now. And I think the evolution of me really helped my business flourish into what it is today in a strange way. I value human connections and I bolster and support women (25 out of our 27 staff are female) endlessly, probably due to many of my own professional experiences.
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