What I'm Struggling With as a 2-Under-2 Mum

"Two under two". It's a phrase that I saw plastered all over my social media feeds even before I joined the ranks of this controversial club. I say controversial because while some mums romanticise a smaller age gap, others argue it’s far better to wait.

"Do it while they're both in nappies!"

“Wait until your first is in school!”

"They’ll be best friends if they’re close in age!”

“It’s better for your body to take a break between pregnancies!”

I used to read the comments on posts about having two under two with a sort of distant curiosity. That was until it happened to me. The age gap between my two children was absolutely not planned. Having undergone IVF to have my daughter, I was under the impression I couldn’t fall pregnant naturally. My surprise second child certainly proved me wrong!

Now, I’ve just ticked over three months as a mum of two. I’ve had the best moments of my life: seeing my daughter meet my son for the first time, and also some of the hardest.

When I recently shared a post on Instagram about what I’m finding challenging about this transition, I was overwhelmed, and validated, by the response I received from mums all around the world.

So, in the spirit of keeping things real, here’s what I’m currently struggling with as I attempt to juggle my two under two.

Hitting

I was aware that most toddlers go through a hitting stage, but nothing prepared me for the emotions I felt when my daughter suddenly started hitting my son. Panic, rage, disappointment, frustration. As a freshly postpartum mum, seeing my newborn in pain is already stressful enough. When my toddler is the cause of it, I’ll admit I struggle to stay composed. There are plenty of great resources out there that explain why toddlers lash out at new siblings, and how to talk to them about it, but I’d be lying if I said I’ve nailed my parenting in this area.

Sleep

I’ve been in the newborn sleep trenches before, so logically, I know I can get through it again. What I didn’t plan for was for my toddler to regress and stop sleeping through the night. Juggling two kids who both want mum in the middle of the night is a lot. I’m also surviving off less daytime sleep, because last time, I was one of those mums who actually did “sleep when the baby sleeps”. But that’s a lot harder to do now that I have two. It’s very rare that both kids are actually napping at the same time, and if they are, I’m often running around the house trying to reset for the next awake window.

Overstimulation

Life with a toddler is already loud, add in a newborn and you barely get any peace! Some days I’m lifting my squirming toddler onto the toilet while trying not to wake the baby who is asleep in the carrier on my chest. Other days I’m trying to soothe my screaming son in the nursery while my daughter begs for me to play with her. I’m still trying to get better at breathing through the times I feel overwhelmed by noise, clutter and two little people who basically want to live on top of me.

Daycare drop-off

This one might seem a little niche but when I shared my conundrum on Instagram a lot of mums seemed to relate. Getting out of the house on any day with two children takes effort, but for some reason the daycare drop off has truly stumped me. I’ve tried taking both kids in the double pram, but my baby hates the bassinet, and once we get to daycare, I have to wheel my huge pram right into the room so no one kidnaps my baby. If I take the kids in the car my baby usually falls asleep on the five minute trip, so do I lug him into daycare in his capsule, while using my other arm to try and stop my wriggly toddler from running across the road? Or do I yank him out of the capsule to pop him the carrier, only to do the same thing in reverse ten minutes later when my daughter is safely in her room? I never appreciated how easy it was to drop one child off until I had two.

Solo days

Having two children means twice the mess, twice the laundry, and twice the washing up. I wouldn’t change it for the world, but it means I’m always busy doing something. For that reason, I sometimes worry my baby isn’t getting the best of me because I don’t have as much time to sit and stare at him the way I did with my first. On the days my toddler is at daycare, I try to power through in all my chores and errands at a breakneck speed and my baby just has to come along for the ride. I’m still working on slowing down and letting the mess wait so I can actually soak up some alone time with my son.

My two beautiful children are the absolute light of my life. There isn’t a day I don’t marvel how I’ve gone from the trenches of infertility to becoming a mother of two in just two short years. But it doesn’t mean the current challenges aren’t, well, challenges. Sharing these has helped me connect with other parents, bringing me comfort, validation and sometimes, if not solutions, helpful ideas. Connection and community is the thing I’ve found that makes the load feel a little lighter.

Estelle Griepink is a Melbourne based TV news reporter and new mum to two under two. Between chasing down breaking news stories - and wrangling two small children. She shares her honest reflections on motherhood on Instagram @estellegriepink